2/02/99
It grieves me to see your one-sided presentation of fathers that pay no support. You so often refer to the word. Why are you not addressing this from a biblical perspective as the Lord does. A man that does not provide for his family is worse than a non-believer.
My children's father is over $66,000.00 in arrears. Many years he paid no support whatsoever, yet he lived blocks away from the children and I never prevented his visitation which he scheduled sporadically and without any communication with me.
I met my husband in Bible school and we were married 18 years. He has a degree from USC and is in full health. To add more grief to this difficult situation, he has created a "Christian" veneer that has allowed him to teach Sunday school, stay active in promise keepers etc., etc., and even be a youth camp counselor between the two times he was jailed for only 24 hour stays.
After years of Clinton's so called get tough program he still is back to paying no support for months at a time even with warrants outstanding. He has made a mockery of the court and the church. I never remarried and with nothing more than a GED I have continued to support the three children while suffering financial garnishments and threats from his creditors.
All this is to say, refusal to pay support is in many cases the tool that some men use to continue to hurt and abuse the mother of their children that separated from them in an attempt to seek safety and peace before the Lord. Every pastor that became familiar with the issues of my marriage confirmed a Biblical base for separation. My husband would not allow it and put me through an ugly and painful custody battle that turned into a divorce to protect the children and I from his numerous aggressive creditors. We lost our home; our children were emotionally shredded.
I would ask you to seek the Lord through His word and ask Him to show you His Father's heart. I have searched but do not find it in your presentation of this painful and difficult subject. I believe your present presentation of this is adding guilt, shame, pain and more wounding to many of we mothers who had genuinely sought the help of the church for marital conflict and contrary to scripture were sent into the court's system by their pastors and "Christian" counselors who found it a easier solution than trying to discern and confront the real issues in a marriage that was in crisis or an abusive husband and father.
Even more concerning, you seem to be condoning and giving license to men who don't want to be responsible to provide for the families they stand responsible for before the Lord and use the withholding of support to the mother as a way to continue their lack of love and respect for her, the very reasons she fled from him. It is a rare mother that wants to see the father of her children in jail.
In Christ's Love, Elizabeth Crosby
Editors Response:
It is impossible not to feel sympathy for your situation the way you describe it. Surely every man who fathers a child should support it. If one is unwilling to raise the children he brings into the world he should never bring children into the world.
The point of the article you refer to was not about poor dads who don't pay for their children. The article was about government manipulation in regards to the family unit. Your own family may very well be a victim of government manipulation in some way.
I will address your situation as the Lord would since that is what you requested. There was a young woman in Scripture who had sought healing until she was impoverished by the medical profession of her day. When she reached out in faith and touched Jesus' garments she was healed. From your story, you have trusted in worldly pastors for help and finally the government to relieve the situation. If I were you, I would have sought out the Lord to remedy the crisis. The Lord has a strong arm and is well able to take care of irresponsible fathers. God is a terror to the wicked. When we trust in man, however, we receive the slavery and dissolution of which the article speaks. The government is not God. Neither is the government any real help at all. As far as your ex-husband, shame on him. Some folks like to play like they are Christians while not knowing the first things of that life.